Today
The starting part is sometimes the hardest part. Deciding what to start my blog with wasn’t the easiest of things, so I thought I’d start at the beginning. Then deciding what was the beginning was the hardest part, so I made an executive decision that today was going to be the beginning. Not tomorrow, not yesterday, but right here right now.
So seeing I decided that today was the beginning, I decided that today is the beginning of the next chapter of my life with horses, and how I feel about what I am doing and the commitment I am prepared to make. I’ve drifted a little over the last few years, had an unexpected serious non-horse related injury which frustrated me both physically and mentally, and I lost focus on what was important and where my priorities were. Firstly the physical recovery consumed my time, then returning work and resuming my career was essential, my family took time priority and even the dirty laundry was important – hard to admit but my inability to hang washing on the line made me feel vulnerable and useless. I defined myself as a person who could and would have it all – and being physically dependent was shattering.
Reclaiming the basic things in life that I took for granted after surgery was important, and I needed to prove that I could get back to where I was. My family sometimes wore the brunt of my frustrations, and I became resentful that I was working hard to get back to where I was and my efforts weren’t recognised. I felt left behind and exhausted.
Physio helps the physical, what fixes the mind isn’t quite that simple. Somewhere along the way I think I pushed the mental recovery aside and allowed other things to consume and occupy my days. My recovery has come a long way, but it’s still a work in progress.
The fact that the body no longer operates like it used to is frustrating, and my riding has taken a huge step backwards. Even when cleared to ride 12 months after surgery, the excuses continued, not because I was fearful or worried about the riding, but I guess I was fearful of disappointing myself and letting my horse down. Riding after serious injury can leave you unbalanced and uncoordinated, weak and uncertain. Even hours of physio can’t prepare you fully for a return to the saddle. So I made excuses – and made myself miserable in the process.
Looking back, I don’t know how I let this happen, but I can only take responsibility for it myself. After all, I am in charge of my own life, my own time and doing what makes me happy.
So today, I claimed it back. Today I made some promises to myself, to be braver, more adventurous and acknowledge that finding time for me and my horses is the right thing for me as a person. To be a better rider I need to ride, to retrain the body I need to ride, to find myself I need to ride.
Sometimes you need to find the thing that makes you happy, internally happy, and it makes you a better person. For me, that better person is the person who prioritises my horses and the time I take with them, that better person becomes a better wife, mother, daughter and friend, and I’m sure my horses think that better person is great to be around. I sure like that person a lot more too.
So, this blog is a little about me, and others like me. Those that have aspirations to be the best horse person they can be, to overcome those frustrations and excuses we all find ourselves making, and the way forward from today. We will discuss topics and be supportive and help each other, and celebrate all our achievements, big and small, all with a smile and a sense of humour.
Today we celebrate where we are today, we acknowledge all the great things that got us to this point, and set a plan. My plan is simple, my plan is to ride one step at a time. How far I take that ride is completely in my hands. What’s your plan?
Hi Liz, thank you for sharing your blog. Food for thought for me too 🙂 Warm regards Marilyn
Like you I’ve taken this first step a while ago. Making it work is not so easy. Looking forward to hear how you manage to move on. Maybe your bravery can inspire me. For now I’m commited to the gw leading up to making riding feel safe. Thanks for sharing Lizz! Helga
Go YOU!
I am going to ride Aslan again before we are both too old! 🙂
So glad I read this blog. For me it is equally frustrating coming from a once fit and healthy young teen eager and ready to jump on the greenest horse to current day middle aged returning to riding complete with a bad back and chronic fatigue and huge fear of falling off and hurting myself further. I have asked myself do I keep going with baby steps to reclaim a long dreamed of trail riding future? or do I accept defeat and bow out now and give up the gift of my horse to another younger person who also dreams of big things. My life hasnt been easy and I have had to put my dreams out of my mind for a very long time but the heavens gave me a beautiful horse and for that I am so very grateful. For that reason I am driven to go for it now and your words give me faith to try…what is there to lose. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for making me feel better about myself, I am very similar to Karen I was one of those teens that would have a go at anything the faster the ride the better the height of the jump didn’t phase me, after thirty years of not riding I have just got back into it but my fear of not being safe sometimes controls my riding, like for instance I have this mental block about cantering I really want to do it i get myself ready then I just can’t make that last transition into a canter I get very angry at myself but now after I read your blog I feel much better all I need to do is relax trust my horse who is a gentle giant and do baby steps.
Hi Liz
I read your blog for the very first time tonight and this resonates so strongly with me… obviously our circumstances are different, but the sentiment is the same.
I felt like I could have been reading my own words… Instead of writing them all again, I’ve attached a post from my son’s facebook page for you to read when you have the time… http://www.facebook.com/ThisIsFinley/photos/pb.471345682916904.-2207520000.1412773369./800188583365944/?type=3&theater
Perhaps our paths will cross at some time, and if that were to happen, I hope we could both say that we’re a little further along this journey. 🙂
Hi Liz. I actually read your blog months ago and have since had the oppurtunity to attend one of Ian’s clinic’s. Had a great time and learned that it doesn’t all have to be so complicated. As others have stated….I also have had a number of ‘interruptions’ to my riding life and having lost confidence I became more self conscious and put off the next ride…..etc. I have taken quite a few steps toward improving my confidence and it comes together slowly. Yes, other commitments constantly interrupt my intent to ride and I would like a ‘book keeping faerie’ to pop in and catch up on the paper work while I ride blissfully in my weed covered arena. (Horses don’t notice the weeds). Thanks for a place to take heart and keep on trying.
Hi Liz
I relate my journey to this blog. I have lost a lot of confidence over the years and am forever coming up with excuses not to ride. Number 1 is that I am the only bread winner in my household and who would pay the mortgage if I get injured. Hmmm lots of “what ifs” frustrating that these and my lacking confidence is holding me back from my enjoyment of riding. I have attended 2 of Ian’s clinics and have come away with good intentions but then the demons kick in again. I am aiming to attend his next clinic at Wilton and giving myself a target to get back in the saddle before I next see Ian.